I was chatting to a fellow blogger recently and she mentioned how amusing she found my occasional tweets on weird search terms people have used to reach Kavey Eats.

Every now and then, when I’m procrastinating and putting off things I really ought to be doing, I open my Google Analytics page and scroll through the keyword terms, looking for the odd, the unusual, the curious and the downright bizarre.

A listing in my Analytics page doesn’t only mean that my blog come up in the search results for the given keywords but that the searcher also clicked and visited my blog through the link provided! At some, my mind really does boggle!

Here are a few from recent weeks.

The first one that surprised me was "le cock ring special offer", I can’t even begin to imagine what page on my blog might relate to that, let alone be of interest to the person searching. And no, I’m not going to repeat the search to find out!

I feel the pain of the person looking for "avoiding addiction of hard drinks" but doubt anything I write could help them with their problem.

I can’t work out what was actually the objective of a search for "best beautiful sweets house visiting card jalebi" but I’m certainly curious.

Two related searches gave me cause for confusion and concern – "christian gravestone rip" and "gravestone alcoholic".

I’m glad my blog didn’t help the person trying to cheat an answer for their home work or an exam. They were far too specific when they asked Google to help them find a page that would "describe a cold canape that could be made from chicken liver pate leftover from a function on previous night". By all means, use Google to find ideas, but have the gumption to do more than just type the question in verbatim!

I confess, when I saw "favelle restaurant new york", I did try the same search myself, curious if a namesake owned a restaurant in NY, as it’s not a particularly common surname. All I could find was a large company making cranes used in the building industry!

I’m not sure whether the user who typed "i eat 3 ryvitas a day" was searching for information or wanting Google to know his or her eating habits.

It’s a bit nasty, this one but I really hope that no one is actually planning to "kill penguin chick".

I wonder if an answer to why "wild birds fly into a home and eat and leave" was ever found?

I’ve learned to make bread from master baker Tom Herbert but can’t provide any naked tushy photos to the person hoping to find "masterbaker porno" on Kavey Eats!

I’ve never heard of "lardy liquid chocolate" but I’m intrigued. Lard. Chocolate. Liquid. Could work!

And I’m happy for the person who needed to share that "my chickens love marmite on toast".

Of course, along with the odd searches above were a number of straight forward ones, and I do have content that can help:

There were many variations of searches looking for the recipe for "Leon’s Mamta’s pea and squash curry". This post gives the low down on how mum’s curry came to be on the Leon menu and contains a link to the basic curry sauce recipe on which it is based.

I have previously shared the making of lychee and rosewater jam, which may suit the person looking for a "lychee rose jam recipe".

I definitely have a "recipe for ginger & chilli pickle" based on my mum’s recipe, and it’s hot hot hot!

Until recently, my chicken liver pate always included port, but it seems I wasn’t the only person looking for a "non alcoholic chicken liver pate". My chicken liver and apricot pate fits the bill.

Someone wanted to know "what does paturages on a french menu mean". My review of a meal at Club Gascon reveals the answer.

To the person looking for "pear cartoon character weevil and bob" you might want to note that the characters are egg shaped, not pears, their names are Weebl & Bob. And they love pie.

And in answer to:

"can i use tinned fruit for making ice cream" – Yes you can!

"can u make fruit tartlets with ready roll pastry" – Yes you can!

"can u use tin cherries in clafoutis" – Yes you can!

"can wild garlic be frozen" – Yes it can!

"how do i make strawberry liqueur" – Like this!

"how to pickle/preserve gherkins" – Like this!

All keywords taken from Google Analytics date covering the period 24th February to 25th March 2012.

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